by Hans Quiztiansen Andersen | Last Updated: May 12, 2021
Which APU Character Are You?
Enter the APU (Alan Partridge Universe) and find out which character you most resemble.
Answers are scientifically accurate to within 8 pixels.
Which APU Character Are You?
Question 1 of 10.
In The Day Today, Alan Interviews Susie Herper. What is her job?
1. Swimming pool attendant
2. Jam maker
3. Bureau-de-change teller
4. Lady rally driver
What are the stickers for?
Question 2 of 10.
In Knowing Me, Knowing You, Alan's seminal chat show, what colour is the leather furniture?
4. As black as Edmonds's heart
Yeah it's green. It's literally the first thing you see, bro.
Question 3 of 10.
Who does Alan antagonise so much during an interview on farming that they walk out of his studio?
1. Andrew Fanshaw-Smythe
2. Crispin Boulderay-Longthorpe
3. Peter Baxendale-Thomas
4. Percival Bamford-Granville
Here's a pic of his wife (who is also his brother) feeding burgers to swans.
To help them float.
Question 4 of 10.
According to Alan, who has a blinkered view of the alleviation of traffic congestion?
1. Norwich City Council
2. Joni Mitchell
3. Jeffrey Archer/The Archers
4. Gerry Adams
Nevertheless, nice song.
Question 5 of 10.
What Lynxii are Dan and Alan wearing?
1. Tempest and Nevada
2. Aztec and Marine
3. Africa and Mirage
4. Voodoo and Java
Question 6 of 10.
How does Alan end almost every anecdote in Bouncing Back?
1. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.
2. Thus proving I have bounced back.
3. Back of the net!
You'd probably write 'needles to say'.
Question 7 of 10.
In Mid Morning Matters, which movie does Alan want to book a ticket for, on his own, in the afternoon?
1. Jurassic Park
3. The Wild Bunch
4. A Glowering Glassblower This Way Comes
No. Inception. No. Inc-ep-shun.
Question 8 of 10.
What has happened in Scissored Isle to produce this moment of zen-like bliss?
1. He has been recognised by a member of the public who is buying items Alan strongly approves of (Top Marque magazine, Ginsters beef and onion pasty, cylinder of Slazenger Sport deluxe shower gel).
2. His assistant has informed him that Land Rover is willing to sponsor this year's charity gala for violent children.
3. The female side of Alan's brain, long dormant, has been re-triggered by the feminine activity of scanning items.
4. Hips Don't Lie by Shakira has come over the tannoy, or more accurately, public address system.
I am absolutely brilliant at scanning.
Pat Bevin can barely conceal her rage.
Question 9 of 10.
One of the songs performed by Martin Brennan in This Time Series 1 raced to the top of the UK charts. What was it?
1. Come Out, Ye Black and Tans
2. Sunday, Bloody Sunday
3. Nothing Compares 2U
4. It Started with a Kiss
It's like an advert for the IRA.
"Come on, Simon! Mighty."
Question 10 of 10.
In This Time Series 2, which icon takes Sidekick Simon to the phone lines?
1. Top left.
2. Top right.
3. Bottom left.
4. Bottom right.
It's the phone icon, obviously.
Next question 1 of 10
All 10 questions completed!